Confessions of a Real Life Shopaholic

I should have a reality show. Probably not one of those Jersey Shore, Millionaire Matchmaker, or The Hills type shows (my life doesn't have enough social drama, wild sex, or drunken mistakes to be considered entertaining like those giants). But should someone start a show that follows a young woman around while she spends too much money on clothes, furniture, fine dining, and expensive show tickets then I'd be ushered into instant fame. (maybe I just described Paris Hilton?? No, she's the steroids version of me & The Hills....)

Yes, I'm an impulsive shopper. This has been an issue for as long as I can remember. When my dad got sick 2 years ago my shopping habits became off-the-charts out-of-control. I didn't think it could possibly get worse...

But it did.

I'm an emotional shopper. It's truly an addiction. That's something I simply can't deny...but maybe that's good. After all, the 1st step to recovery is "admitting you have a problem." Geez. I hate that I actually fit the bill for that.

Many people (especially guys) don't understand how this happens. I mean, I'm an intelligent woman. I'm strong and independent. I'm confident in who I am. I've been living on my own for the past 8 years. And I know how to create an AWESOME budget on Excel...hell, I'll come up with my 20 year financial plan for you and not even my Edward Jones guy could argue with it's infallibility. I'm very good at that - I have some great common sense workin' for me!

And yet...I can't stick to that fabulous budget to save my life. For whatever reason, I need someone breathing down my neck everyday for me to keep my brain working properly.

And that's where the addiction takes hold. When I have a shitty day, I want to shop. It doesn't matter if it's online, at the outlet mall, at a flee market, or in a men's clothing store where there's NOTHING I need, I'll find a way to spend my money. Other times it doesn't even take a bad day...but if I latch onto an idea in my head, I get stuck on it (I can be a little stubborn). So when I decide I want/need something...I do everything I can to make sure it happens. And during "the hunt" for whatever I think I need, I feel GREAT. The world is right when I'm finding deals, and completely distracted by whatever ugly thing in my life is starring me in the face. It's bad....very, very bad.

Some people drink themselves into a stupor. Some people get high on any substance they can find. Some people go out and sleep with the first thing that smiles at them...or spend hours in front of the computer watching porn. I, however, shop. It's nothing short of a drug, and equally destructive.

We all have our vices. Every single person walking this planet has that ONE thing that they can't seem to beat...that is a constant struggle to control or maintain in their life (it may not be obvious, but there is always something). This is mine. So how do I beat it?? Alcoholics are told to never go into a bar. Drug addicts usually need to move into a new neighborhood and get new friends. So, what does a shopaholic do??? It's not like I can stop shopping...that's like telling a morbidly obese person they can no longer eat or go to the grocery store. Shopping, like eating, is a basic part of life (I say that b/c I even get tempted at places like H-E-B and Target!).

I'm not at all surprised that my shopping became exponentially worse since my dad died. My dad was the foundation of my little world...and in many ways I didn't even realize until now. But, even though it wasn't surprising, it's still been EXTREMELY disappointing...

Where I go from here, I'm not sure. I'm searching for a mentor to help with this, and I also want to start DA meetings (yes, I know...I'm serious). We'll see how it goes...if you pray, please pray for me. If you don't (not even I do right now), then just send lots of happy vibes my direction.

Oh, and typically the way addiction works is that you can't just stop a behavior because it's usually replaced by another. Well, I don't really wanna be an alcoholic or druggie, nor do I want to become a sex-phen (sp?).

Maybe I can get SUPER into working out....(I know, that sorta makes me laugh too).

~Jac