Shooow Meeee the Isssuuuuuues! :)

I've been meaning to get on here & write for quite some time, but I haven't because I've either been too busy, too lazy, or avoiding "dealing" with things. BUT I'm on here now & that's what matters, right?

Life has been interesting recently - great in some ways, bad in others. My mom & I are going through some things right now, things which I guess we aren't discussing. But, in time, I know we will...despite the issues in our relationship I'm extremely fortunate to have such a loving, passionate mother who deals with things as they need "dealing". Ironically, as I've struggled with where we are, I've been hit over the head numerous times with the wisdom of both my parents. They REALLY do get smarter the older you get! :) This revelation makes me smile & cry all at the same time since I know they have been right all this time, & now I can't let my dad know it (though I certainly can for my mom!). I need to let my mom know....& so do you if you're able. She's here, and everyday that she's here is a blessing that I need to take advantage of. While I was able to say most of what I wanted to my dad & to deal with some of the monsters in the closet, I STILL find myself talking out loud just hoping that somehow he can hear me say "OK Daddy, yoooou weeeeere riiiiiiight." He wasn't perfect, my mom isn't perfect, but time is short & us kids should soak up as much of our moms & dads as we can before it's too late.

Speaking of time being short - my roommate found out his mother was killed in a car accident on Tuesday. Yea...that one will hit you in the chest and knock you over. I can't even imagine being in his shoes. I may have just lost a parent, but I had the talks beforehand...I knew it was coming (even though it came MUCH quicker than expected). But my roommate probably hadn't even come to terms with his parents' mortality yet. And suddenly she was gone. I just can't imagine that heartbreak. I knew my Daddy was dying, but even today, 8 months and 3 days later, I STILL see his picture and think, "How can you be gone? When am I going to wake up from this dream?? How can death be a 'real' thing?!" My heart aches for my roommate and his siblings.

I have mixed feelings about he and I being in this house...2 mourning kids - lol, awesome. That's like throwing 2 crack addicts out on the street & telling them to figure it out. BUT...there must be something to this...some reason why this random guy & I live together during one of the hardest trials either of us will go through. I only hope I can be a support for him.

I seem to attract "issues". We all have them, NO DOUBT, but I attract BIG issues (probably wise that I'm going to be a therapist!). I've recently become friends with someone else who has some major stuff to work through...someone who I can see being good friends with for awhile. This is going to sound strange but I feel encouraged by this! For whatever reason, I've always attracted broken hearts, but since I've been a total mess with losing my dad, there hasn't been much of that in my life (I haven't been able to deal with my drama, much less other people's!). So I'll take this as a sign that I'm well on my way to being a normal, happy, whole person again :) And a normal, happy, whole person who is blessed to be able to pour into the lives of others around me who desperately need it (we all do).

Along those same lines, I'm happy to say that my issues with shopping have improved drastically! It's been baby steps, but one little step at a time I'm becoming a healthy, mature adult with my finances (and emotions). Last week, I messed up and spent a ton of money I shouldn't have, but I returned a vast majority of it & came home feeling like I could breathe deeper. Progress.

I look forward to the months to come (especially since I'll find out from UT in the next month!) & the continued progress to be made. Life has been really rough the past 2 years, but the bumps in the road are slowly smoothing themselves out. I'm still not sure where I stand spiritually (I can't even pray now...and don't see the purpose of it), but I'm SO excited that I have the ability to start sharing that "love of Jesus" with people around me again...whether it's coming from Jesus or not...

Jacquie