All-Powerful huh?

Christians claim that we are protected by God. He watches over us and makes sure we're provided for.

But is that really true???

I'm not really sure where the church gets off saying that "God's protection, grace, and love abounds" when there is so much pain in this world. While I've had my own set of trials and heartbreaks, it doesn't even compare to the pain of others.

I want to know where the hell "god" was when my friend's family members (yes, plural) were sexually abusing her. Or the multiple times she was raped as a teenager/young adult. Or when she starved herself down to 76 lbs. Or when her father told her over and over again that not only was she worthless, ugly, and stupid, but that even if a guy ever loved her enough to marry her, he would soon divorce her. Answer that, please. There is absolutely NO possible way I can continue to believe in a god that would allow a young girl (child) with a heart of gold to go through so many UNSPEAKABLE pains. I went out tonight to have a good time, but I found myself, slightly drunk, playing therapist and doing everything I could to love on the people around me...because so many other assholes in their lives had not.

No, I can't do it anymore. I won't give in to this "we live in a broken world, and satan is creating problems and pain" bull shit. If there is a satan, and there is a god, then what the fuck is he waiting for!? Get off your selfish, holier than thou (literally) ass and actually protect and LOVE the people you created!!! I'm angry as hell. ANd not just because I've lost someone, my past abuse experiences, and heart breaks, but because others have gotten it ten times worse and are slowly killing themselves because the pain is too much. This bullshit about the "refining fire" and "God never gives us more than we can handle" is ridiculous. And it points to a self-centered, arrogant, and MEAN god. A parent doesn't continue to let their child burn their hand on the stove, or let some stranger into their home to knowingly rape their child everyday - a parent does everything in their power to STOP it. The church's answer for this isn't sufficient and it points to a theology based around self-comfort, not truth. I refuse to put ANY faith into a god that just sits back and lets injustices like this occur - even if those injustices rightfully sadden him...if he's so sad, then DO SOMETHING. I've been so hurt at times in my life, but my heart breaks into pieces knowing what others have gone through... while "god" just sat back and let it happen. Not everything works out for good...now matter how obnoxiously optimistic you are.

I almost feel guilty for having the father I did. Man, I have been blessed. I woke up every damn day for the past 26 years and KNEW my Daddy loved me more than himself. He never stopped loving me, supporting me, and protecting me. He was THERE. And even though my time with him was cut FAR too short, that time was fully used. I will have that for the rest of my life.

But so many others won't.

If I could wish for anything in the world, it would be that I could love (verb) the pain out of everyone. Make them whole. I've believed for so many years that "only Jesus" can restore people and bring complete healing (this even came up in my griefshare class a couple of weeks ago), but I just don't agree. While I can't do it, apparently, neither can he...and I'm sick of waiting around for him to do something. (Besides, it's pretty ridiculous of christianity to claim ONLY god can heal...there are plenty of fully satisfied, well-adjusted, joyful people in the world with lots of pain in their past and present who don't believe in god. I think it's another scare tactic on the part of the church.)

I'm done.

I will do everything in my power to make sure the people in my life know how treasured they are, to make sure they know they aren't alone. And I will do it because I know that I can't rely on anyone or anything else to do it.

Good night & Sweet dreams,

~Pissed