Frost Yourself.

A Prayer in Spring, Robert Frost

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that we fulfill


I swear, I just NEEDED to hear this.

I went on another drive tonight after grief share and I think I learned some more about this whole “doubting God” thing. I’ve never felt lonelier in my life than I do now. It’s been SO lonely that I can’t even feel God right now…and I haven’t in months. I know He’s probably there, and later down the road I’ll think back on this and see His hands all over my life, and His presence will be obvious. But I’m not there yet. I feel utterly alone…even with tons of people around me. So how could I NOT doubt if He’s there and real!? Geez, if I question all my close girlfriends, some of whom are HERE, right in front of me; and Debbie and I talk CONSTANTLY, so if I still have issues with them and feeling alone despite their obvious presence, how could I not question a God who is invisible, and not tangible?

This poem helps me though. It reminds me that today there ARE good things, and this loneliness is simply a part of this season of grief (thank God for the spring time!). My emotions may tell me otherwise, especially at night, but the fact of the matter is that I’m blessed. AND that I’m not called to live for tomorrow, I’m called to live for today…to focus on today’s tasks, and to relish the present blessings. Yes, focusing on today is sometimes the absolute hardest thing to do, but once these trials and pains pass, I will more fully appreciate the next season of life…and I’ll be fully existing in THOSE moments. – I hate that we, as humans, are always striving. We’re always looking across the fence at the greener grass (I’m hearing country tunes in my head right now…). It’s a shame. It cheapens life. Even when life is miserable, or in my case, looking very bright but I can still see the dark tunnel behind me, EVEN THEN we should rejoice in life itself. Wow, that sounds SO pep squad-ish (3 months ago I would’ve hit me). But it’s true.

As our grief share leader told us several months ago – Grief is simply the result of loving deeply. Mmmmm, let that one soak in. It’s very Garth Brooks’ “The Dance”…life isn’t worth living if there’s not unguarded, incandescent joy…but along with it comes the immense, paralyzing anguish of life’s pains when something stifles that happiness. But, it’s still worth the dance.

So, I suppose for today…

Lesson #8 (lol, wow, there’s been sooooo many more than that) – Grief-loneliness is the temporary result of sharing your heart…it is a loneliness that WILL fade as more immaculate joy returns.

~Jacquie